I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
