I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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