4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
