Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We left an ass print on the piano.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
