i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
