Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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