I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
