We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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