1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
