3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize