32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
