watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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