Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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