We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
