Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
be right there i have to get my cape
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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