I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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