My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
