hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
