Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
