I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
