Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
