Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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