evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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