i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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