its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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