he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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