you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
