He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
