My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
