Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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