Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
