Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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