Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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