if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
