We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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