at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
