So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
