How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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