I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
