i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize