the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize