U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
