Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
