We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
