Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
