i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
