i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
