AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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