in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
