While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
