He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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