FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
