Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
