shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
