the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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