The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
This house was built for laser tag.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
