I'm going to jail i love you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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