she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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