You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im six kinds of drunk right now
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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