Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
