At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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