for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
