I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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