Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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