First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
