Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
