too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
