ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
