I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
