i just wanna soil my oats bro
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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