it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
