Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
