so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Send help, water and tortillas.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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