It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize