You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
