Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
