It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
