The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
