I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize