it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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