we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
