I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize