So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
