Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
