I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
